Charles and Camilla take Toronto, one traffic jam at a time

“Canada prefers a loon to Charles,” smirks Heather Mallick on The Guardian website, dissecting “the strength of the Canadian character” praised by the Prince of Wales and his sidekick the Duchess of Cornwall: “In Paris, you get blanked if you’re not fragrant and bearing blossoms, but in Toronto if you’re not wrinkle-enhanced, makeup-free, armpit-oozing and wearing that hideous Canadian classic, brown Lululemon yoga pants, you are not a woman.” Fear not, much like the fallout from his first marriage, this big-eared heir can give just about everyone in town something to complain about.

Wednesday afternoon, he went from a reception at the Carlu in College Park to a meeting with businesspeople in the Eaton Centre office tower, trailed all the way by mediamakers too naive to be Heather Mallick. Just don’t ask the opportunity-starved professional paparazzi what they’re waiting for.

Yet, the Toronto Star report headlined “Royal couple fail to dazzle like Diana“ — which would tend to be the case for two dowdy folks in their 60s — noted just a trickle of royal watchers outside the Royal Conservatory of Music. Consensus: Prince William would still bring out the shrieking teenyboppers.

How many pieces need to be published about the relevance of the Royal Family, though? There will be one more week’s worth, as Charles and Camilla fly to the other end of the country, and back again. “Prince Charles is no Queen Mother,” vents Father Raymond J. De Souza in the National Post, which will also tell you that Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff once published a scathing rant against the monarchy, as their cartoonist wonders why covering the visit involves so many rules. Maybe their presence will play better today in Niagara-on-the-Lake — where real celebrities are harder to spot.

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